Memories
by lslines
Summary: Some memories are best left alone and forgotten. Some are not. [Undertones of Elricest. 400 word drabble. For Ama]


So much for hiatus, so much for writers block, ne? For _InuKaiba_. I made an FMA fic, like you said I should. So now it's your turn Ama. No spoilers in here by the way. And I have a feeling I haven't captured Ed's guilt complex properly, but it'll do. Two 300-400 word drabbles about memories and pain. Undertones of Elricest, but if you don't like it, just pretend it's brotherly love. Enjoy, and please review.

- - - - -

Al hates it. He hates the way his brother looks at him. Hates the tears that frequently glitter in his brothers eyes. Hates the nightmares that his brother refuse to speak about. The nightmares that cause him to wake screaming and sweat-drenched. Al hates all of these things, but he hates them more because he knew they were his fault.

He knew that human transmutation was against the rules, they had both known it. He could have easily talked his brother out of it, but he didn't. Sometimes he wonders what it was his brother saw, what was it that their mother had become. He didn't know, he didn't look, because Edward had told him not to. He knew whatever he had seen was what plagued his dreams. The tears and the looks, the pain that he knew Ed felt when he saw his little brother without his body, without his senses, unable to feel, to smell. The pain that came from believing he had caused it.

Many times Al had tried to tell him otherwise, and many times Ed had not listened. Al knew it was his fault. Not his brothers. Although there are many things he hates these days, he can still remember happier times. The memories still make him smile. But the pain is still there. His brother's pain. His pain. Snapped from his thought's by Ed's soft voice and a hand upon his own, he turns and smiles, although only Ed could see it. Anyone else would have seen the emotionless armour.

Another memory surfaces as his brother turns away once again. A memory of soft kisses in the dark, thunderstorms at midnight and sneaking into the others bed for warmth and comfort. But the smile falls from his face slowly, and the pain renews tenfold.

Oh yes, he still remembers happier times. But sometimes memories should not be remembered.

- - - - -

Ed hates it. He hates the pain he caused his brother, the mistakes he made. He hates the pain he causes him now, and he hates the way he cannot stop causing pain. Not just to Al. He causes pain to everyone. He remembers Rose. He remembers the truth he had revealed to her entire village, and the pain it had caused everyone there. Of course, for most of them it had been momentary believing it to be a lie, but not for Rose. She recognized the truth. He wonders what she is doing now.

He remembers his mother, and the pain he had caused her. She had loved his alchemy because it reminded her of his father. And it bought her pain for that same reason. He remembers Winry, the comforting words he could never offer when needed. She was waiting for him when she was taken by Barry, those mere few days ago, and the pain that had happened there. Ed even brings pain, he realized with a jolt, to himself.

But it was Al he cared about, Al, who's pain was constant and infinite. Sometimes, he wonders why he does it, why he doesn't stop hurting people. Why he doesn't stop bringing pain. He wonders, for a moment of two, but soon pushes the thought from his mind. First he must fix what he has done, return his little brother to his own body. He must rectify his indelible sin. His little brother… When he does set it right, and he knows he will, will it still be the same? Will he still have a second shadow and be a second shadow? Or will they separate, walk out of each others lives?

Shaking his head, he pushes these thoughts aside as a memory takes their place. A memory of dancing in the rain, holding his brother through the storm that frightened him so, of kisses in the light of dawn. Reaching out his arm, he places his hand on top of Al's and promises once again that he will fix this. Al smiles at him. He feels the cool metal of the armour under his fingers and strokes it softly. Even if things will be different, even if things can't go back to the way they were…

He will fix this. And the memory lingers.

- - - - -

**Edit:** Thanks to _Liete_, I noticed my mistake when I said Al smiled. That's fixed now. Thanks again _Liete_.


End file.
